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| It's All About The Orgasm... |
| 06.03.05 (12:44 pm) [edit] |
|
Surrogate kindly brought it to my attention that Tim Kazurinsky did something similar to the following on an SNL news segment. I wasn't aware of it so any resemblance is coincidental. I hate when someone steals my schtick twenty years before I come up with it! So with apologies to Mr. Kazurinsky, I bring you... Sexual gratification. We all dig it. But we all have different ways of achieving it. And since the desired goal is to climax, I think orgasms deserve specification rather than be lumped into one category because they aren't always so easily achieved and often takes some experimentation. So after interviewing thousands of people (ok, so they were all imaginary), here are different types of orgasms I've uncovered. Visiting a brothel? - whoregasm Wake up aroused by a dream? - snoregasm Missionary position...again? - boregasm Workaholic? - choregasm Shopaholic? - storegasm Masturbate after eating an apple? - coregasm. Turned on by fantasy? - folkloregasm. Like doing it on a golf course? - foregasm An old west climax - LouisL'Amourgasm Get off on old, B-list actresses? - ZsaZsaGaborgasm Excited by sex on the beach? - shoregasm Does candy do it for you? - smoregasm Come to climax with a lion? roargasm. Or if donkeys are your thing... - Eeyoregasm Tennis groupie? - BjornBorgasm Into robots? - cyborgasm Did it result in carpet burn? - floorgasm Like to do it on the buffet table? - smorgasbordgasm Find bullfighter to be hot? matadorgasm Does Lionel Ritchie make you swoon? - Commodoregasm Are splinters a turn on? two-by-fourgasm Two no one will ever have? An AlGoregasm or a PaulyShoregasm. If you can think of more, don't hold back! |
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 06.03.05 (1:23 pm)
This is from an old Saturday night live. I can't think of the name of the Character, but he was played by Tim Kazurinsky (sp?)
Funny Stuff... it reads well too!
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.03.05 (2:37 pm)
Whoa! Are you shitting me? Someone started a thread on a message board with a couple of these, and I got to making up my own-the results being what you see here. So they aren't stolen material. I looked up Tim Kazurinsky and apparently he played a character called Dr. Jack Badofsky in what is probably whatever skit you're referring to, but I haven't seen it and Google won't cough up a transcript. Any resemblance is coincidental and even so, some of mine must still be original! I hope. I would like to find a transcript though just to compare.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (10:57 am)
Sex with a god will give you a - Thorgasm
Nymphomaniacs may get a - bedsoregasm
Enjoy sex on the beach - shoregasm
College students have a - sophomoregasm
posted by: AmyLeeZealot (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (1:27 pm)
lmao that was hilarious...
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (1:38 pm)
Reply to: AmyLeeZealot
Hey thanks! Glad you think so. :-)
posted by: EvilEye (reply)
post date: 06.04.05 (6:52 pm)
ZsaZsaGaborgasm! *chokes on own spit* Lmao that is just great. I need to think of some.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.05.05 (10:47 am)
Reply to: EvilEye
*gives EvilEye the Heimlich maneuver*
Breathe, Evil, breathe!
posted by: DayTripper7 (reply)
post date: 06.05.05 (11:06 am)
The monotony of being an adult is totally exploited, but hey. I don't want to end up with the 3 kids who hate me, the husband who can never find the time, and the job that has way too many ass holes.
Getting older is the worst proposition... ever. It's losing in every way you look at it. After sexual maturity... we should just stop aging, because there's really no point in it. I CANT bring myself to think of being one of those sorry bastards at a nursing home, sitting in my own piss, eating shit for food, and listening to the other crazy fuckers babble.
It will kill me.
Yes, I understand that I'm only 16, and 70 is a far cry from 16, but its coming. Shit, it could all happen when you're like.. 35. I'm middle aged if I look at it that way.
This is what keeps me up at night, and drives those oh-so-dramatic blogs which I write.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.05.05 (11:18 am)
Reply to: DayTripper7
If there's truth in what you say, you may as well pass me the razor blades. I've been dealt some shitty blows in life, but I cope as best I can. And I'm not unhappy person even though I may have every right to be one. And who says things won't turn out ok for you? You have a lot of living to do before you can be considered old. Take time to smell the roses and try to enjoy what life does have to offer.
posted by: almsthvn (reply)
post date: 06.05.05 (2:11 pm)
Reply to: bawdy
I remember Tim's skit, too (not the details but the bit) - thought it was funny then, and think yours are hilarious now!
xox,
S
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.05.05 (3:45 pm)
Reply to: almsthvn
I bet his list wasn't as extensive as mine! Me glad you likey. ;-)
posted by: Eric Badofsky (reply)
post date: 02.17.06 (6:07 pm)
You are correct. Tim & my father Jack wrote many of those skits together.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 02.18.06 (9:46 am)
Maybe he should write some more for SNL because it's really gone downhill lately.
posted by: elbows (reply)
post date: 03.29.06 (5:03 am)
If you have simultaneous orgasms, that's an ANDgasm.
XORgasm (exclusive-OR-gasm) is extremely selfish.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 03.29.06 (9:58 am)
Hey elbows. Thanks for reading. I didn't know these old posts were still being read.
posted by: Bogie (reply)
post date: 06.22.08 (6:16 pm)
In case anyone else is still trolling for Tim Kazurinsky stuff... which is damn funny... I have always been able to remember a few. Still hope to find the full transcript one day. Anyway, he was great. Did his bit on Weekend Update. Always popped up cue-cards in front of him on the desk with the punch line.
Ones I still remember from the orgasm skit.....
Tennis Players have Bjorn-Borgasms.
Salesmen have Door-to-Doorgasms.
Abraham Lincoln had Four-Scoregasms.
Race car drivers have Four-on-the-Floorgasms.
Newlyweds have Let's-do-it-till-we're-soregasms.
But they soon turn into I-got-mine-you-get-yourgasms.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.23.08 (11:46 am)
Reply to:
I imagine old episodes occasionally air on one channel or another where you could relive his shtick.