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| More Fun With A Spammer |
| 05.26.05 (12:49 pm) [edit] |
|
I responded to a new con artist's e-mail (a different variation of the Nigerian scam). First read her e-mail (in bold text). My response follows. I am Miss Mariam Aledu, a daughter of Dr and Mrs. Johnson Aledu all from Liberia Repulic, Africa. My father was killed in an assassination attempt which ended the life's of my mother , my immediate younger brother and my finace leaving behind I and my other younger brother (Alfred Aledu) by troop suspected to be Rebels on the 15th october 2001 " What a tragedy, May their Souls Rest in Perfect Peace....Amen. My father was a formal Minister of Power and Mines to the ruling Government of Charles Teloy and the assassination was believed to have done because of my father's undiluted loyalty to the Government. Since April 2002, I and my brother had been living in this Spanish Island, Marlloca, as refugees. Now I have developed the faith that with you, that the vaccum created by these tragic event will be filled up believing that you are going to take absolute care of emotional problem caused by this tragedy and care for my brother (Alfred). Above all, before the death of my late father, he deposited a box containing sum of Five Millon, Three Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$5.3 M) with a Security Company here in Spain on agreement which i was the next of kin to. I and my brother struggle to smuggle ourselfs into spain because we have a copy of the certificate of this deposit and the key that opens the box. The security company did not know the content of this box because it was tagged "Aledu Family Effects". I would like you to help us transfer this money into your personal account for business investment and help assist us secure visa to your country so that we will join you there. I am 26 years old, I obtained my first degree in computer technology four months before the death of my parents last year which turned my life upside down. I am fair in complexion ,1.6 meters in height, I weigh 68KG and an ad ant faithful Christain. My hobbies includes listening to scientific and political stories , listening to new and old music, reading papers, novels and scientific books and admiring people's greatness achievements and talents Write or mail back to me immediately and assure me that i am in the rightful hand , I expect to hear from you. Wishing you the best in life Mariam Aledu. Hey Mariam! I've been waiting to hear from you. My psychic friend, Miss Cleo, told me you'd be in contact after your father was assassinated. Well, it just wasn't happening, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I hired a soldier of fortune named Haji to speed things along. It seems he got a little carried away in taking out your mom, your fiance and your brother. Whoopsy! Oh, that Haji! He's such a free spirit! I'll have you know I docked him five bucks per head from his fee. Boy, am I glad to hear that you're a faithful Christian. Knowing you'll find it in your heart to forgive me will help me sleep at night. Let me know if you want Haji to take care of Alfred too. Imagine having to go through life with a sissy-boy name like that! It would be for the best, knowing how cruel other children can be. Then you wouldn't have the responsibility of having him tag along on your journey. A simple shot to the heart can solve a lot of problems sometimes. He'll never know what hit him. I'll gladly forward my personal banking information, but first you must promise me you won't disturb the existing balance. Instead of acquiring a proper visa or even a forged one, may I suggest stuffing yourself in a crate and being shipped as cargo instead? I live in Canada. Trust me, passing customs will be a breeze. You make no mention of financial compensation for my assistance. I therefore assume by disclosing your height and weight, you are offering sexual favors as a reward. 68 kg? I like a little bit of junk in the trunk. Do you have big boobies? I like boobies too! Do you have pictures of yourself? I hope you don't have the face of a horse. Although Smarty Jones is pretty cute... But I digress. I'm sure you're really a good shag and all, but I'm afraid I must also ask for some financial recompense as well. After all, I already paid Haji $10,000.00 (U.S. funds), minus the fifteen dollars I mentioned earlier. I notice we have much in common. I enjoy reading. And I like new and old music, as opposed to music that is not new. Or old. Promise not to bore me scientific or political stories, ok? I can't tell you any of those, but I know a lot of jokes that will make you blush. Please get back to me soon. Haji is rather pissed, and I'm afraid his rampage isn't finished. God bless you, and God bless Liberia! Rick Here's Mariam's reply followed by my response. Sir/Madam, Thanks for your respond despite it wasnt encouraging but i most beg for your assistance if really you have the cabacity to do so because me self and my family are dying in silence but if are able to get this money out the security firm where is presently deposited as family treasure we will be very appreciative to you and any body who you feel can provide asistance. please let me know if can provide the needed assist so that my brother afred can get in contac with you for deatil information about the said consignment. Thanks,hoping to hear from you soonest. Mariam/Afred. Hey Mariam! Damn. I know monkeys that can spell better than you by pecking at random keys on the keyboard. Is English your native tongue? Perhaps I can learn Swahili or whatever language you're most comfortable with. Have you picked up any Spanish while in Mallorca? Please talk to me in Spanish. I think it's a sexy language. Although I don't speak it myself, it would make me very horny. Especially if you talk dirty. You want me to talk to Alfred? But I like talking to you, baby. He's not expecting to join us during sex too, is he? I draw the line there! He can watch, but that's as far as it goes. We can probably teach him a few things. I hope you like to experiment. I have a few ideas I read in Penthouse forums we can try. I guess you didn't like my crate idea. For a Liberian refugee, you're pretty nit-picky. Can't you just swim? I guess you're afraid of sharks too. Look, as long as you can out-swim Alfred, you'll have a fighting chance. Is money really this important to you? As a Christian, you've already accepted Jesus as your savior. You're already rich in his eyes. All you really need is love. Would you like me to send you a copy of Watchtower magazine? I'm not a Jehovah Witness or anything-it's just that those bastards left one in my mailbox. Please let me know how I can further assist you. I'm getting a woody just thinking about you. All my love. Rick Alas, Mariam did not answer me. |
posted by: aliciarose (reply)
post date: 05.26.05 (1:09 pm)
Hilarious!!! Thanks for the laugh! :)
posted by: zeejay (reply)
post date: 05.26.05 (1:14 pm)
your blog is awesome man. you have inspired me to be more creative in my responses to these emails. but dont worry...ill let you keep your corner on the market. maybe ill send them to you?
l8er
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 05.26.05 (2:26 pm)
Reply to: aliciarose
Glad you liked it. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate the feedback.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 05.26.05 (2:29 pm)
Reply to: zeejay
Thanks for the compliment. Sure, I'd love to see any correspondence you have with these vermin. God knows there's no shortage of them.
posted by: almsthvn (reply)
post date: 05.27.05 (12:03 pm)
that last bit needs some music playing in the background. How about the Beatles "All you need is love"
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 05.27.05 (12:59 pm)
Reply to: almsthvn
I'd rather rain Maxwell's Silver Hammer down upon her head. ;-)
posted by: cheercraze (reply)
post date: 05.27.05 (12:59 pm)
you don't have to pay the whole thing forward just some. it can be more or less
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 05.27.05 (1:48 pm)
Reply to: cheercraze
I'll go ahead and forward them all to some unwitting soul. ;-)
posted by: mulder (reply)
post date: 05.29.05 (6:29 am)
I just got tired of trying to play those ass holes.. I just block them. they really suck. thanks for u comment on my blog btw
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 05.29.05 (11:44 am)
I do it for my own amusement more than anything. Mostly I delete them without reading them. Thanks for commenting.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 05.30.05 (2:04 pm)
Reply to: EvilEye
I'm glad you think so. I knew I could count on my most faithful reader to approve. ;-)
posted by: Marijane24 (reply)
post date: 06.01.05 (3:43 pm)
That is pretty crazy. Wow.
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.02.05 (11:11 am)
Reply to: Marijane24
Well, I'm pretty crazy myself. heh. Thanks for the diagnosis! ;-)
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 06.03.05 (1:26 pm)
Did you notice that her father died in an assiniation ATTEMPT? (Maybe he had a heart attack from all that gunfire.)
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 06.03.05 (2:40 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Ha! You're far too clever for her. Not to mention me. Too funny. I guess the attempt triggered some bizarre series of events that led to an accidental death.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 10.29.07 (12:58 pm)
Loved it!! Can you believe she is still out there?? I just got an email from her and it had a number attached so I called her....what a scammer!
posted by: bawdy (reply)
post date: 10.30.07 (12:26 pm)
Hmmm..I guess the feds haven't caught this scammer yet. Too bad. I never tried calling a number, but it would be interesting hearing their pitch.